I thought that one of the most striking things about Salinger's writing style in Catcher was his use of several variations of the phrase "it killed me." According to a post by Evan, this phrase is used 34 times in the novel. That just kills me, it really does.
I interpreted his use of "it killed me" to mean that he liked something or thought it was funny. Since reading the novel, I've noticed that I use the phrase as well, in a similar way as Holden does. When someone says something funny I often tell them that they're killing me. However, I also use the phrase in a very different way, to express displeasure. For example, "it kills me to see someone in pain."
Holden casually throws around this phrase, as if death doesn't matter to him. As if he's invincible. The few scenes where he really contemplated death really struck a chord, because he was getting serious about something that at other times it seemed like he didn't care about. After the disaster with Sunny and Maurice, he contemplates suicide. I guess it really killed him.
Holden doesn't seem to care too much about his own health and well-being. He spends a few days gallivanting around New York on his own, drinking too much while barely eating or sleeping. This behavior really could kill him. His casualness about his health makes it especially jarring to read about the few occasions when he gets serious and starts thinking about life and, more importantly, death. It really made me wonder just how serious he was. He doesn't seem to care about his health, so could he actually commit suicide? Would he actually go through with it? OR was he just being a phony?
Wow--you pose some troubling questions at the end here. I can hear Holden berating himself for being "too yellow" to go through with seriously harming himself (his self-destructive behavior is more passive-aggressive), and I'm also thinking of his misplaced admiration for James Castle, who he seems to see as a version of himself, but more idealized, ironically, for his willingness to "die for a cause." (Of course, Antolini's handwritten bit of advice should give Holden a new perspective on this--nothing significant is accomplished by Castle jumping to his death; it's just sad and futile. Holden needs to see this.)
ReplyDeleteI like how you bring out the darker undertone of this casual phrase. Holden uses it (mostly) in the common colloquial sense--standup comics, for example, still talk about "killing" as a way of referring to a good or effective set. But one moment stands out, where the actual morbid underpinning of the phrase is brought out. It's when Holden is saying that Allie too thought Phoebe was really funny, and he says "She killed him, too"--and then abruptly corrects himself, as if suddenly realizing how it sounded in reference to someone who's actually dead. It's a remarkable moment, that points to some of the directions you're going in here. His attempt at casualness falls short, chastened by the cold reality he inadvertently bumped against.